How do you speak grace to men?

Steve Brown:
How do you speak grace to men? Let’s talk about it, on Key Life.

Matthew Porter:
This is Key Life. We’re here to let you know that because of what Jesus has done, God will never be angry at you again. Pete Alwinson is a former pastor, founder of ForgeTruth.com and the author of Like Father Like Son. And he’s been teaching us all this week.

Steve Brown:
Thank you Matthew. Hi Pete.

Matthew Porter:
Hey man.

Steve Brown:
This has been a great week. You know, we’ve tackled a subject that’s a lot bigger than a week. I mean, you’ve written a book on it, you’re writing another book on it, and there are a hundred other books that pursue this subject in detail. You keep talking about the importance of grace. Now, we’ve talked about different generations and how they react to things differently. We’ve talked about our culture and how hard it is to be a man and this is so much easier to be a woman in our culture. We’ve talked about how discipleship and how that works with men. Grace is at the heart of this, isn’t it? Why is that?

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah, it really is. Well, because salvation is at the heart of the gospel and grace is at the heart of salvation. And that’s why our ministry really does, Steve, flow out of what you’ve poured into me over the years, because so many men’s ministry, quote unquote, men’s ministries say things like, all right, you’re a man now in Christ, you’re in Christ, you’re a Christian, you’re going to heaven. Now, man up. And I used to hear that and then I would struggle with that. And yeah, I’ve got to act like a man. Okay. But different generations will deal with that differently. But the reality is I don’t have the power. How do I become a man? Grace is the power. And so, it really starts every day with my identity in Christ, remembering at the beginning of the day that I am the deeply beloved, redeemed son of the most high God, purely by his grace.

Steve Brown:
And if nothing else is true, that’s true.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s true.

Steve Brown:
You can hang on to that.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right. And that gives the foundation for knowing who I am because so many men, we don’t feel comfortable in our skins. Our dad didn’t give us that love and affection that we needed to have. They didn’t say, son, I love you. You would not believe the number of men that never heard their dad say, son, I love you and I am proud of you. I spoke once in Philadelphia and a bunch of retired, there was a lot of young guys too, the old guys came up and talked to me afterwards. Old, retired, hardened, lawyers and they said, and I had asked them, how many of you, your dad never said, I love you. One guy came up to me and said, the thing I long to hear, and I’m 80, is that my dad loved me.

Steve Brown:
Oh man.

Pete Alwinson:
It rocks your world. And so, Christian men today, as they father their own kids, they need to get that grace from God for themselves. And then give it to their kids, because if you didn’t get it, it’s hard to pass on.

Steve Brown:
It really is.

Pete Alwinson:
Right? And so, what you helped me and the preaching of the gospel helps me to do is to say, you know, I really am the deep, I’m not perfect. I have a long way to go still, but as you used to always say, God is really fond of you.

Steve Brown:
You know, one of the great, there’s a lot of great things, you were my pastor for a lot of years, but was your vulnerability and openness. We met in my study just before we moved into the studio with some people from a church that wanted to ask questions and I was blown away again and that’s happened to me a lot with the authentic nature of you’re not having anything to protect. I mean, you’re just not trying to protect, you’re not trying to say I’m great or I’m awful. You were just you and you told stories that were dark stories about your own life. I think we need that kind of honesty in the church, don’t we?

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah. And that’s what grace does for men.

Steve Brown:
Allows them to do that.

Pete Alwinson:
Allows them to, and when men get to the, certainly we don’t get that quickly, it comes over time. But the fruit of grace is that authenticity, where you’re not having the worm theology, or what a worm am I, or this prima-donna. God is glad, he’s happy to get me, and so it really is that ability to connect with one another. And you tell your stories and some of my best friends are those guys that just lay it out there, but grace enables us to do that because it starts with our identity. And I think as we get older, we owe it to the younger men in the church to be mature enough and not insecure, so that we can tell them where we messed up. And so they don’t make the same mistakes. We ought to love them enough to keep them from the pitfalls that we go into.

Steve Brown:
Are you hopeful? I mean, do you feel that there’s some significant things going on in the church? You know, you hear people saying it’s over man, we lost. I don’t sense that in you.

Pete Alwinson:
No. And I don’t sense it in you. I am very positive about the church because we’re positive about the resurrected Savior sitting at the right hand of the throne of God on high.

Steve Brown:
That changes things.

Pete Alwinson:
I think the church goes through phases. I think in American culture today, since COVID, I think there’s been a lot of weeding out and a lot of soul searching that has had to take place. And we have to come back to the basics of the gospel and what it means to follow Jesus. Not to follow, a political line of thinking more than following Jesus. There’s only one King.

Steve Brown:
That’s right.

Pete Alwinson:
And he’s the one that set us free.

Steve Brown:
That’s good. And men, you know the kinds of things you’re talking about, those are attractive to men, even if they don’t know it.

Pete Alwinson:
I think so. I think men want to be free. They want to be free and that’s kind of a theme that we’re working out this year, the freedom that we have in Christ. What does that mean? It’s not freedom to do whatever I want. It’s freedom to do whatever God wants, what He created me to be, which is to fulfill my manhood. But we have, and I think men really do resonate with grace, but they still struggle with it because they want to add to it. It’s like the guy that said to me Tuesday, after I had spoken on grace, you’ll get a kick out of this, Steve. He goes, so that means God gives me 90 percent off, right? No, it’s a hundred percent. It’s a hundred percent Jesus, but we instinctively want to add to it, but where we get to because of God’s grace, we can become really masculine men, as God defines masculinity, and we have to search for it in Jesus. Jesus is the living, breathing example of masculinity. We can’t get it from our college professors, or actors, or warriors. We have to get it from Jesus, and He’s our model. What does it mean to be a masculine man? True femininity comes from searching the Scriptures for women as well.

Steve Brown:
That is so good, and it’s, this week has been so good. All right, we’ve got men who are listening now, who probably are thinking, I never heard this before. I don’t know how I feel about it. What would you say to them?

Pete Alwinson:
I would say, I get it. I would say enter into the dialogue, maybe go, continue to listen to everything Key Life produces and drink in grace. Then I would say, number two, journal out your own story, your own earthly father story. And how did your dad impact you? How did growing up in the environment that you grew up in impact you? And do you put on God some of the attitudes you have toward your father, and is that good? Begin to evaluate that, and just say, Lord Jesus, build me, help me to have the proper view of you, and of my own manhood that you want me to have, so I can be, have your fruit of your Spirit for other people around me.

Steve Brown:
Oh man, and that’s what you’re doing at Forge, is drawing men into that. And men are responding, by the way. They’re really, there’s a need for this kind of mentoring and discipleship and teaching that is Biblically based and so right on in terms of how we define ourselves. You’re doing a good thing, you know that?

Pete Alwinson:
Well, thank you for letting me be a part of Key Life and for pouring into me. And your example in so many ways has helped so much and our guys loved it when you came last time, we’ll have to get you there again.

Steve Brown:
Oh, I was, that was fun. It was fun to be there. Just as a kind of way to end this series, as we’ve talked about men. Men can change the world, can’t they?

Pete Alwinson:
I really believe that’s possible. And when I say that we’re about building great men as God defines greatness, I mean that. Don’t be afraid of greatness. Don’t be afraid of letting God take you beyond the borders that you see in your own life, begin to let his grace help you think outside the box of what he wants to do with your life. He wants to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that you can ask or think. He loves you more than you know. Let that love sink in deep. And let him expand your horizons. This is gospel stuff. This is not just hype.

Steve Brown:
Pete, you’re a good man. And you’re touching other men deeply and profoundly. And I’m one of those. I haven’t talked or thought about these things very often. But this week has been good for me, too. Guys, thank you for being with us. And as I always say, you think about that. Amen.

Matthew Porter:
Thank you Steve and Pete. That wraps up our special week of teaching about men. It’s a series we’re calling Men and Grace in the Church. Was this something we’re sharing with the man in your life? If so, send him to keylife.org where he can stream the entire series for free. Steve and Pete will return tomorrow for Friday Q&A. But wait, there’s more. All next week, our friend Matt Heard will be teaching us. So, don’t miss that. Well, let me ask you something. Where do you draw the line on grace? How do you know if you’ve gone too far? Well, Steve addresses those questions in his book, Three Free Sins. The book is about what Key Life itself is about, what the gospel is about, grace. If you’re frustrated with a religion that’s simply a failed sin management program, it’s time to discover that you not only have three free sins, you have unlimited free sins because of Jesus Christ. Get your booklet now by calling us at 1-800-KEY-LIFE that’s 1-800-539-5433. You can also e-mail [email protected] to ask for that booklet. To mail your request, go to keylife.org/contact to find our mailing addresses. And finally, if you’re blessed by the work of Key Life, would you help share that blessing with others through your giving? Just charge a gift on your credit card or include a gift in your envelope. Or just pull out your phone and text Key Life to 28950 that’s Key Life, one word or two. It doesn’t matter. Just text that to 28950, then follow the instructions. Key Life is a member of ECFA in the States and CCCC in Canada. And as always, Key Life is a listener supported production of Key Life Network.