Unloved

Over the last 50 years, I have had far too many conversations with fellow believers that could be summed up in the question, “Am I loved?”

The sad truth is that many Christians don’t know for sure. Their lives don’t seem to line up with the life they imagined for themselves when they came to faith. They question what they have believed about God; frequently their suffering speaks to them louder than the Bible.

Maybe this questioning flows out of a childhood where parents were absent, critical, or cold. Perhaps it stems from adult relationships (or lack of them): friends who have betrayed them, family members who have abused them, employers who have denigrated them, or churches that deceived them. Or perhaps, they are by nature people who simply have trouble believing that they are worthy of love. Some of us are so self-critical, so introspective, that it doesn’t matter how many people tell us they love us, it’s never enough. They incessantly wonder, Am I loved? And are never quite sure that the answer is a resounding yes.

To make matters worse, some of us have been taught that this desire to be loved should be ignored. We have heard that longing to feel loved is a temptation to be resisted. I’ve heard and believed this teaching myself—in fact, I’ve even taught it. Before I wrote, Because He Loves Me, I thought that focusing on God’s love was something that immature believers did. Truly “mature” Christians don’t need to hear about God’s love. Rather, they needed to focus on the ways they either succeeded or failed to love God as they should. My love for God was what mattered. His love for me was assumed or ignored.

Many have been taught that relationship with God is reciprocal, like the one you have with your employer: You put in a good day’s work and your employer responds by giving you a raise…or at least by not firing you. While this is true in the workaday world, it’s antithetical to God’s kingdom. Sadly, messages like this abound in Christian media—messages that insist that God keeps track of whether you’re naughty or nice—and they turn the suffering Christ, dying for ungrateful sinners, into the not-so-jolly man from the north who has sent out a legion of elves to judge your worthiness of love.

The message of the Suffering Servant will never appeal to those who punctiliously keep the rules. There’s nothing more insulting or infuriating to the smugly religious person

than to discover that their good works earn nothing while an audacious whore finds the gates of heaven flung open as she covers Christ’s filthy feet with kisses and tears. To suggest that God demands to be known as the One who loves sinners and reserves his harshest criticism for those who think they can earn his blessing, was and is, for many a bridge too far.

Let me tell you what I know about you: You were made to love and to be loved. How do I know that? Because I know the One who formed you. In the same way we resemble our parents, God our Father made us in His image. His spiritual DNA saturates our soul, we were made to be like him (See Genesis 1:26). And what is God like? He is love (1 John 4:8). Think of that. The very essence of the One who created you is love. That is why I know that you were made to love and be loved…to be beloved.