Moving from acquaintance to friend is a big deal.

Steve Brown:
Moving from acquaintance to friend is a big deal. Let’s talk about it, on Key Life.

Matthew Porter:
That was Steve Brown. He’s an author, seminary professor, and our teacher on Key Life, a program all about God’s radical grace. We’re committed to bringing you Bible teaching that’s honest, straight-forward, and street-smart. Keep listening to hear truth that’ll make you free.

Steve Brown:
We’re talking about friendship, by the way, in our study in Philippians. And I spoke yesterday about how you can see the soft side of the apostle Paul. I used to say that when I got to heaven, I was going to enjoy listening to the lectures of the apostle Paul, but that Peter and I were going fishing. In fact, Peter and I are going to have a good time, not with Paul, he’s too heady, he’s too strong, he’s such a big deal. But Peter, Peter messes it up the way I do, and I can identify with him. But you know, the more I study the writings of the apostle Paul, the more I see the soft and gentle side, the almost childlike side that he gives. There are examples all over the letters of the apostle Paul, but at the end of II Corinthians, the apostle Paul is bragging on what he’s done. And then he realizes, I can’t do that. And he says in his letter, I’m talking like a fool. In other words, forgive me. And then he does it again. And again he says, I’m talking like a fool. And then he keeps on doing it. That is so like, you have no idea how often I’ll say to myself in the middle of a meeting when I’m talking, Brown, just shut up. Quit talking, but I keep on talking. So, I can identify with Paul. He is very human and you can see his humanness so often in what he has to say to people and especially in this passage cause he’s talking about friends and he’s talking about friends to friends in the church that Paul probably loved more than any other church, the church at Philippi. Now, we’ve seen that when he talks in this particular text about friendship, it’s the second chapter. I want you, we’ve noted the particularity of friendship and we’ve noted the philanthropy of friendship. But I want you to also note the proving of friendship, Philippians 2:22.

Just so you know that Timothy has proved himself.

Now, the Greek word for proved means the proof that comes as the result of testing. In other words, friendships don’t just happen, you’ve got to work at it. And it’s a process and if you get ahead of the process, you’ll get into serious trouble. Don’t assume that the acquaintances that you have are friends until the process has been gone through in determining who is and who isn’t a friend. We all have a lot of acquaintances, but in a life you have three, four, five real friends. And that didn’t happen overnight, it’s a process. Paul refers to that process as proving, as in a test. A number of years ago, a friend of mine in the church I was serving in Boston, she headed up the nursing school in Boston and she had discovered a great book, not written by a Christian, but she said, I think you’ll like this. And I did. It was a by a man by the name of Gerard, and the name of the book was The Transparent Self. And he was talking about how you build friendships, how you build relationships, and you do it by trading pieces of your soul. If you have an acquaintance, you’ve got to start testing that acquaintance to see what happens. And Gerard suggested that little bits at a time you begin to open up and give pieces of your soul, that is something that is special and different about you. And if the person to whom you gave that piece of your soul doesn’t stomp it to death and ignore it and hurt you with it, then you’re free to accept some pieces of his or her soul. And the next time around it will be more, and the next time around it will be more. And then you can open up and you’ve got a friend who will be your friend no matter what else. Friendship, someone has said.

That trouble is the great sifter through which acquaintances move to become friends.

And so, friends don’t just happen, you’ve got to give them time. You’ve got to send it through the drain to see if it’s a real friendship or if it remains just an acquaintance. Let me show you something else. I want you to note not only the philanthropy and the particularity and the proving of friendship, I want you to know the praise of friendship, Philippians 2:22b.

Because as a son with his father he has served with me in the work of the gospel.

And then at the 29th verse, Paul says.

Welcome him in the Lord with great joy, and honor men like him.

Philippians 2:25b

Who was also a messenger and apostle.

In other words, what Paul is saying here is that to praise friends is a part of a friendship. If you’re a Christian and you’re looking for friends, a part of that is for them to be your cheerleader and for you to be their cheerleader. A number of years ago, I met Dr. Addison Leitch. He was then the academic Dean at Gordon Conwell Seminary. He was married at the time to Elizabeth Elliot. And I had admired Dr. Leitch from the distance for a very long time. I had decided to work with, I’ve got to be careful I don’t give you too many details from which I will have to repent later, but I had signed on to be a speaker and a teacher at a large Christian organization. And a lot of my friends thought that that organization was divisive and mean. And I needed some advice from somebody older who could help me. And I called Dr. Leitch. He didn’t know me from Adam. And I said, Dr. Leitch, I need a father in the faith to give me some wisdom. If I drive up to the seminary, could you give me five or ten minutes? I would appreciate it. He said, what was your name again? And I told him. Dr. Leitch said, do you know something? I read your book this morning and I loved it. And in fact, a publisher asked me to write something for the cover of it. And you’re going to like what I’m going to say about your book. I want you to know that even as I tell you that incident right now, I feel good. And over the years, Dr. Leitch and I became friends. And he would often encourage me with comments like that because he understood that that was an important part of friendship. You know, we have a tendency in the church to think that friendship is a place of accountability. And it’s that, or it should be that. I mean, if you’re not walking it the way you should and you’re my friend, I’m going to tell you. But I’m going to tell you kindly because the next time you’re going to have to do that for me. But we forget sometimes that the basis of friendship is not accountability, the basis of friendship is praise. It’s understanding that your friend has things in their lives that need to be recognized and lifted up and praised. And if you do that, it will bond you to others in a way that is absolutely unbelievable. Sometimes there are those who say that I have the gift of encouragement. And I do have that gift. I also have the gift of giving ulcers too. And sometimes I ruin relationship in things that I say. But basically, I have understood what Paul did in this particular passage. He not only talked about Timothy, his co-worker, he said good things about Timothy, his co-worker. And so, if you have a friend, don’t just enjoy the friendship sometimes, tell them the good stuff that you see in their lives. I have a professor friend who did that with a student, put him in front of the class and said to the other students, Now, tell him! Tell Joe what you like. You do that too. And you think about that. Amen.

Matthew Porter:
We’ve all experienced it, but I’ve never heard anyone teach on it, that process of an acquaintance becoming a real friend. Thank you Steve. We’ve been digging deep into the subject of friendship here in Philippians 2, and we shall continue tomorrow. Don’t miss it. So, here’s a true story. Several years ago, Steve realized that God wasn’t very real to him. So, he went to God and made some discoveries that we’ve put into a booklet. It’s called How to Get Your Prayers Answered and What to do When They’re Not. God really is your Father and he enjoys spending time with you. And this booklet will help you understand that in a really fresh way. Get your copy right now by calling us at 1-800-KEY-LIFE that’s 1-800-539-5433. You can also e-mail [email protected] to ask for that booklet. Or to mail your request, go to keylife.org/contact to find our mailing addresses for the U.S. and Canada. Again, just ask for your absolutely free copy of the booklet called How to Get Your Prayers Answered and What to do When They’re Not. And finally, would you consider supporting Key Life financially? Giving is easy. Just charge a gift on your credit card or include a gift in your envelope. Or you can now give safely and securely through text. Just pick up your phone and text Key Life to 28950 that’s Key Life to 28950. Key Life is a member of ECFA in the States and CCCC in Canada. And Key Life is a listener supported production of Key Life Network.